Dear 2021,
I feel really bad for you.
Yes, I know. You’re probably already sick of all the pressure people have been putting on you. “2020 was such a bad year! Let’s hope 2021 is better.” You had YouTube renaming their (terrible) Rewind videos to Hello 2021. Now, I can hear you protesting: “2020 was a random year! I have nothing to do with it!” I agree with you, one hundred per cent, and if it were up to me, no one would bully you into being a well-mannered year. But you know what they say about karma: you have to pay for the sins of your ancestors. It’s an unfair proposition, but there’s nothing you can do about it.
Now, since about 7 billion people have placed the burden of their expectations on you, I don’t think adding mine to it will make much of a difference, will it? Come on, buddy, be my Santa Claus! The funny thing is, I once sent Santa a list of all the things I wanted as a six-year-old. Busy man, he never wrote me back, but I did get all the things I asked for! In retrospect, I have a very strong suspicion it was my parents’ doing. So, like Santa, you don’t have to respond as long as you get the job done.
By the way, let me make one thing very clear: I’m not doing anything. I wondered what New Year resolutions to take, and then decided that I’m currently the most perfect version of myself that I can be. So, in my wish list, you have to do all the heavy-lifting.
So, here’s my list for you:
Give us better cup noodles. This seems random, I know. But I was having cup noodles the other day, and the one thing I kept asking myself was, “Why is the flavour at the bottom of the cup?” About three-quarters of it is bland, unflavoured, boiled noodles, and then you suddenly have mountains of masala! Look, this isn’t much of an ask: improve cup noodles. You have people asking you to fix a virus; I’m sure cup noodles is insignificant in comparison.
Less free time. Seriously, I’d love to have less of that. A lot of us have had the equivalent of a lifetime’s supply of it. So, less free time, please (but don’t steal my TV time!).
No more WhatsApp forwards about COVID-19. WhatsApp forwards are in general the bane of human existence. But the ones which start with ‘This is how you can be safe’ really take the cake! At this point, everyone knows what ‘lockdown’ and ‘virus’ means, thank you very much. I’m pretty sure all of us have become epidemiologists in our own right. I, for one, would like my certificate of qualification - I deserve it!
My last wish is really basic: be well-behaved. You know, don’t mess things up enough for Netflix to produce anything called Death to 2021 (I’m just saying). It’s quite easy: keep people safe, don’t unleash random things which could potentially trigger (another) world-wide shut-down. Not so hard now, is it?
Well, I wish you luck with all our expectations this year! And I really hope this letter reaches you before 2022 - I don’t really know how the postal system between human beings and calendar years works.
Regards
Harshitha
P.S.: Look, I know I said I don’t need you to respond, but I’ve changed my mind. I do expect a handwritten response from you. I literally just want to see what kind of pen you’d use.
Harshitha Suresh
20/UECA/009
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